She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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