kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sext me about skeletons
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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