hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
