It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
