Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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