My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
