Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
