why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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