You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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