I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
