Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
