Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
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I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize