when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
