Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
