I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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