I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
