I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
