She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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