Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
