worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
try to milk me bitch
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