i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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