i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sacagawea was the original milf.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
