Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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