Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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