She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
