I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
