she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
