i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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