One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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