I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
