Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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