I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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