The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
