if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
