i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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