forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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