What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
