Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
