Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
