What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
