im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
