i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
