I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
