Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
