thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You took a bar mat shot.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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