I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
