I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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