my sisters under your porch take her home
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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