i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
