I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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