I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize