How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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