Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His nipple licking is glorious
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