You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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