Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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