come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
