So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
