The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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