Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
