Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
