Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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