WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
