Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
