There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
