he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
