We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
