...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
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There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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