i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
