Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
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Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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