need another drink. this is the easiest way
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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