Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
