The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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