He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
