I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
