dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
